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It’s been a while since I’ve been on here. A lot happened last year. I had to hand my notice in at work because of the fibromyalgia. Previous to that I experienced vertigo for the first time. Not a very pleasant experience at all. I suffer from room spinning migraines but vertigo, yuk, that was something else.

After officially leaving work in August I felt very sad, lost and lonely. It wasn’t a difficult job, working in retail in a card shop. The standing all day was not good eventually for me due to the Fibromyalgia and since discovering I have osteoarthritis in my hips and lumbar spine. No wonder I was in pain. Yet I never complained. I really liked my work colleagues, still friends with them and I had gotten to know so many customers.

Being at home and physically not able to do things really got to me, still does. It’s so frustrating to do a bit of housework and then find I have to sit down with hot water bottles and take painkillers. When my back goes into spasm and I’m getting headaches or a migraine I feel let down by my own body. I used to be active, go to the gym, go on long walks, a social butterfly. Now there are days when I feel I just exist. Pain takes so much from you, it consumes you, you can’t think straight, you can’t even eat sometimes.

When I do go out, maybe pop to the local shops or a garden centre people don’t realise how much effort that’s taken. They haven’t seen the tears, the sadness, the constant struggle with pain, the many wasted days in bed. I read, I write poems, watch TV, listen to music, find distractions. I’m still luckier than a lot of people, just wish my life wasn’t ruled by pain. Fibromyalgia is cruel, it affects a lot of people, I hope one day they find a cure.