Living with Fibromyalgia

Living with fibromyalgia can be really testing at times especially the pain and when you have to keep letting people down. I’ve been signed off sick from work again. I like my little job, it’s local and it’s annoying that I’ve been suffering really bad with my fibromyalgia for a year now.

I got diagnosed in December 2012, but have had it longer. The medications I’m on used to be great and I could manage it, but was I? I went on some of them because other people had said how great they were and they were then able to work. Had I just been pushing my body too hard when I shouldn’t?

I was still having to take pain relief to get me through the day. Now I feel like my medications are not working. Maybe the meds are just masking the problem and so I end up pushing myself too far and in the end the body just says no. I’m not doing this anymore. Stop. Rest. The one’s I take for migraine prevention seem to still be ok. Have I just pushed myself too hard when I shouldn’t just to prove to everyone that I was okay. Look at me I’m doing a great job, working, running a home.

I wasn’t though, I was in pain, I couldn’t keep on top of the housework like I used to. My days off were spent in bed or on the sofa. But I just kept telling everyone I was okay. I couldn’t admit that I wasn’t coping. I still don’t like to. That would mean admitting defeat to fibromyalgia and I feel like everyone would be judging me. My once very tidy home isn’t as tidy as it used to be. I constantly have a pile of ironing. I can no longer do things that I used.

I’ve had two operations in the past three years and am wondering if these have had any affects on my fibromyalgia. I haven’t felt quite the same since. In 2020 I had my appendix removed just before Covid hit and in 2021 I had my gallbladder removed. The hospital are not having any more of my body parts, definitely not.

Also a year ago I found myself in a very stressful situation, work related, I’m not allowed to say no more and that’s when this really bad flare of fibromyalgia hit and it’s just not settling down no matter what I try. Also years ago I had repetitive strain injury in my upper left shoulder which went away with no longer doing that job any more. It flared up again with the fibromyalgia and it’s getting worse each time I return to work. I’ve been referred for physio on several occasions, not helped and referred again next week. I hope they’ve got a large jar of fairy dust because I think that’s the only thing that will work.

One thing though is I don’t give up and I always have hope. Have to otherwise I’d go crazy. There are days when I’m not so good and the pain literally consumes me and I feel hopeless. My husband and my daughter are really good and help me. Soon it will be Christmas, my favourite time of the year, at least that will give me something to focus on and keep me distracted. Here’s hoping I’m back at work soon.